Making the worst into the best.

This is my first blog ever! As a matter of fact, I have only once posted a comment on a blog and that was last week. I have become interested in this form of personal communication. Although, it seems like it may feed the egos of some dying for attention, I think that it can really be used to just let go and share personal thoughts and feelings on a not so personal basis. It makes it easy to scream out what you need to say, but to only those willing to listen. Obviously, if your reading this you know better than I do.

So, lets open this first blog with probably one of the most significant events that has ever occurred in my life. This event has tortured me, made me fear, made me feel things that I have never felt before, but has opened my mind to no end. Thus, one of the most horrible and terrifying events that has occurred in my life has made me grow more than ever. I have just gotten to the point where my emotions are subsiding. I can finally think. And now for you lucky readers, I am going to share my thoughts (briefly) on this event.

The event: On December 29th, 2007, my close friend Shawn asked for my assistance in selling a PS3 to somebody that had responded to newspaper ad that he had posted. Note that he had already sold 2 via this method and this was his last counsel for sale. He asked my assistance because the neighborhood that the buyer lived in was a less than desirable place to be in city. Of course I agreed to help. As the sale progressed, the buyer checked out the merchandise, made sure that everything was there, checked the sales receipt, and decided to purchase the machine. However, when he reached into his pocket to pull out money, he pulled a gun and shot Shawn in the chest region. Shawn was rolled out of the car an ran for help. I was in the back seat behind the buyer. Luckily I had a knife within reaching distance, and without thought I began stabbing this man. I have no idea how badly I stabbed him or even if I penetrated his clothes. All I know is that my reaction saved my life by creating a situation that this thug had to get out of. Dramatic huh? And this is the abbreviated story.

Anyone can see how this event is life changing for Shawn, myself, and those who are close to us. But, damn! I used to read and hear about this kind of stuff all the time and I never thought twice about it. Now that I am a part of it all, I will never stop thinking about it.

Prior to the events I was already working my way down a path of realization. It was a ridiculously hard path to follow, with no direct rewards on the way. Now, I am literally tumbling down this path. I am finding the way that I want to live. I am becoming me. As Ram Dass would put it, I am working toward "being here now." As the the Flaming Lips would put it, I am "Embracing peace and love and mercy, instead of power and hate." It is becoming very rewarding. I am still very early on in my journey, but there is no doubt that I will continue down this path.

To those ears this is falling on who know me well, you are probably a bit shocked to hear this kind of stuff coming from me. The guy who has labeled him an agnostic and borderline atheist for years and years and years. Let me tell you all what I have learned. I still don't believe that there is one all mighty and powerful. I still don't believe in any church or its structure. What I do believe is that there is more to life than what we perceive. There is an energy within us that will always exist. We just need to become one with that energy.