I really don't know where I am going to go with this post, so bear with my scrambled thoughts and logic. A question that has been lingering in the back of my head for sometime now is, "When am I going to stop drinking?" I definitely would not say that I have a drinking problem, or that my life revolves around drinking. However, I will admit that I drink far to much from time to time and I have no idea why I lose control. I grew up a partier. Throughout high-school and college I drank and drank and drank... binge drinking, keg parties, bottles and more bottles. Since then I have cut back a lot. These days I tend to stick to more refined beverages that I enjoy the flavor not so much the drunk. But, who am I kidding? I still drink to get drunk! Why can't I stop once I start? Is it my past... is there and underlying problem... is it my heritage? I think that it is none of the above. I think that it is the disconnect from reality that I truly need. There are other ways to unplug without a substance and I am working on that. However, the close I get to unplugging I always feel that my desire or urge to drink hinders my progress. On occasion, I become unbelievably high on life. It is the best feeling I have ever had! True happiness. On none of these occasions was I drinking. So as much as I enjoy drinking and partying with friends or family, ultimately it is ruining my quest for personal happiness. I do not necessarily think that the drinking, or partying, or the hangovers, or the late nights is what disrupts my quest. I think that it is the desire! The want to do it! If I could drink without urge, then I could have have my cake and eat it too!
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